Secrets to A Happy Marriage: Commitment -

Secrets To A Happy Marriage: Commitment

“…Let no man seperate.” Mark 10:9

How Do We Keep Our Marriage Together?

A popular book on marriage is titled, “Love is a decision.” That title expresses an important aspect of commitment in marriage that is absent in many marriages and in much of our society today. Many in society these days live with a selfish concept of marriage where most of the marriage is about “how I feel.” The idea is, that if “the love” and passion are gone, then I should go and look elsewhere, because “I deserve to be happy. And the idea of “happy all the time” seems to be implied. One of the things this “love is gone” concept doesn’t take account of, is, that “loving feelings” come and go. Sometimes these “loving feelings” are in short supply. Then, out of the blue, they’re back. Sometimes we may feel like we don’t like our partner very much. What does commitment have to do with this common situation?

It is at these times, when the love feelings are low, that commitment is the most important. Commitment is “us” and God focused, not me focused. It is also based in sacrificial love and a decision of permanence, not feeling. Love, that is all about my feelings, is not love at all. When someone says that they “fell in love,” they are talking about “loving feelings”, or more accurately, plesant feelings. These pleasant feelings have very little to do with real love.

God Established Commitment In Marriage

Real love is based on a decision, a commitment. The traditional wedding vows say, “till death do us part.” This idea of permanency is other focused and team focused, not me focused. When marriage is self-focused it will be based on me and my needs and wants and the marriage will not be beautiful. In order to understand the true potential for a beautiful marriage, we will need to take a look at what God has to say about marriage. God is the one who established marriage and the bible says that God hates divorce. Jesus said that divorce was given by Moses because of the hardness of people’s hearts. He makes it clear that divorce was not part of God’s plan for marriage from the beginning. God’s plan is clear. Jesus said, “the two shall be joined together and shall be one flesh, and what God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Sacrifice for another person is a big part of what marriage is about. Without the sacrificial love part of marriage, you just have two people joining in a contract until they find someone else who meets their needs better, or until they just get tired of the person they are with and don’t feel that they are getting more benefit than problems.

Additionally, we see in Corinthians 1:15, in the Bible, that marriage should represent the relationship of Covenant love that God has with his people. God has chosen to be in a sacrificial loving relationship with them, even when they are stubborn and rebellious. So marriage is not just about doing things and saying things that make me feel good, but it is about a permanent promise of sacrificial loving-kindness that is not based on my feelings. It includes putting up with stuff that bothers me from a partner, and yet choosing to try hard to still have a good attitude. A person entering into marriage with this view of marriage will be offering so much more to their beloved, compared to a person who is offering only sentiments of love. The attitude of “as long as we both shall love” may not even last through the entirety of the wedding day.